...

i have been putting a lot of energy into this blog

part of me is very proud of it, i have never EVER used HTML before and its really fun learning how to do things, and letting my mind wander off into "you could make an idle game in a blogpost, you just could with javascript" thinking about places to put cool stuff makes me happy, ive also noticed my folders are getting quite cramped on neocities, maybe i should organise the posts better! i love doing things like that

but its still not enough

i really want to write about worlds, keep reading things that give me new ideas, then add to my stories, i wanna write so much fanfiction, i thought about writing some stories for vash the stampede, i really want to just, WRITE, i WANT TO DO IT, but apparently want is not enough, there... SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH look

i think im worried about quality, and thats fucking STUPID

i have a, a recoil? like i immediately deflect to something else when i think about writing things i care about, because what will come out wont be good enough, my ideas are good but if they are ever drafted, its like too much, its like looking at the idea and realising it was bad all along, but like, a draft cant worsen an idea, whew, i just dont know what to do at all with this

but im here writing this, arent i? thats progress, a few months ago i barely launched a text editor, but here on this blog, i have made a couple of posts. i started somewhere, and i think thats pretty hopeful